Why Bewildered Mind?

I am bewildered by much that goes on in our world and often long to step off into a nicer place. No, I am not about to top myself but I wish for a world that is kinder, less selfish, less violent, less greedy.

  • Why is the wealth of the world is the hands of so few?
  • Why are women treated as second class citizens, denied an education in many countries and overall paid far less for the same work than there male counterparts?
  • Why do women have to take on the primary responsibility of raising children and yet get so little financial support?
  • Why do we have overflowing prisons which supposedly rehabilitate offenders? Yet they come out only to go back in because rehabilitation by locking people up in appalling conditions is largely a myth.
  • Why is education and health such a disaster?
  • Why is corruption so accepted both in government and in the corporate sector?

Is it any wonder that I am bewildered?

In this blog I will write about all of these things and more.

It is always darkest before the dawnI awoke at 3am, my body tense with emotion and anxiety from a recurring dream of being called to account for the litany of failings and misdemeanours of my life. The taunting and verbal abuse in my dream is worse than anything physical could be.

The familiar black cloud descended and I ducked under the duvet wallowing in my misery pit.

Our world is not a happy place and I guarantee that there are millions of people feeling exactly as I did this morning. ESKOM, drought, political strife, corruption, terminal illness, death, poverty, broken relationships, failure … no-one is immune.

But, I am not a quadraplegic, I tell myself loudly. I can feed, bath, clothe myself. I can walk and even run a few metres if I have to. I can see, hear and talk and I have a computer that lets me express myself.

Imagining myself trapped in a body that can do none of those things is the way I give myself a kick up the rear end to stop the self pity.

finger printLast week I packed my book and bottle of water and drove to our local Traffic Centre to renew my drivers licence. I was ready to settle in for a day of sitting on an uncomfortable chair in a smelly overcrowded room waiting my turn.

What a surprise. I didn't even have time to complete the form before I was called for my eye test, finger print and photographs. The staff were polite, friendly and efficient.

My credit card expired and I needed to collect the new one. I had been sent two sms’s asking where I would like the new one sent to. Twice I replied “Hillcrest Branch please”.

Before going to collect it I decided to be very pro-active and phoned the Credit Card Division to check it was there.

Bank: Blah de blah de blah .... Please key in your 16 digit card number

So Pat, apart from helping your husband in his business, what are your interests and hobbies? I politely smiled and said I enjoy reading, writing, technology, travel and I am having a shot at writing my first novel. This question was asked by a feisty 85 year old woman in a room full of folk who were all between 75 and 90.  It would have been churlish to cause a scene.

Isn’t our society strange? We drive into the back of another vehicle. It is clearly our mistake but we are told  not to acknowledge this error of judgement. If we do, our insurance will probably not pay out the claim.

We drive under the influence of alcohol, we steal from our employer, we fail an exam, we might even kill someone. Instead of saying “yes, I fouled up, how can I make amends”, we go to great lengths to weasel our way out. We blame the devil, our teachers, our parents, our bosses or anyone else whose fault it could possibly be. Me? No way!

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